Bicycle blasphemy

Forgive me oh Holy Mother, for I have committed a grave transgression.

Bless me Madonna.
Bless me Madonna.

I hope that the god and goddesses of chain-lube and pavement can forgive my wickedness. I have gravely trespassed against an entity that I deeply, deeply love.

I'm SO SO sorry.
I’m SO SO sorry.

I admit that our relationship has been rocky. I was grieving when I met you. I don’t always treat this magnificent creature with the care it deserves.

OK...locking the bike is step one. Now lets try and lock the bike TO something next time, OK?
OK…locking the bike is step one. Now lets try and lock the bike TO something next time, OK?

I try to be a caring, attentive companion.

Do you want some chain lube?
Do you want some chain lube?

Even though sometimes I neglect my responsibilities.

I have no excuse for letting my cleats get THAT torn up before replacing them.
I have no excuse for letting my cleats get THAT torn up before replacing them.

Our relationship has transported me to magical places…

ALL the top cyclists are hydrating with Rose these days.
Like a winery. 
FREEDOM!
FREEDOM!
FREEDOM!
FREEDOM!

We conquered podiums together.

You've updated your grip-tape color a few times.

It's shocking you stayed with me, frankly.
It’s shocking you stayed with me, frankly.

and supported me through dark and dreary times.

Bike. Everywhere. Always. Because.
Bike. Everywhere. Always. Because. Even if it’s dark and rainy.

And now, I have violated something beautiful and pure.

Forgive me?
Forgive me?

I installed a TOURING RACK on my ROAD BIKE!

THE HORROR!
THE HORROR!

Gentle readers, I cannot ask you to absolve my perversion of all that is righteous. Mounting unwieldy reinforced steel to the sleek aluminum frame of my trusted Fuji Roubaix wounded me deeply.

No...not THAT deeply. This mishap was courtesy of an olive oil bottle.
No…not THAT deeply. This mishap was courtesy of an olive oil bottle.

I assure you, gentle readers that I do not take this desecration lightly. I would NEVER vandalize Velox’s perfect visage if I weren’t in pursuit of a big, exciting adventure. More details about my long-distance pedaling plans will be forthcoming; for now, I offer up a tribute of energy gels and electrolytes to Velocipedes the Speedy as penance for my wickedness.

May my tires and glycogen stores remain replete.
May my tires and glycogen stores remain replete.

In other news, this plucky little Ph.D. candidate just gave submitted a 157 page dissertation to his reading committee.

The Lorax HATES me right now.
The Lorax HATES me right now.

Happy Thursday! Got anything you need to come clean about?

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